Small votes

What sort of world do you want to live in?

Writing is a life requirement for my soul. Knowing that my work is read and adds value to someone’s life, well that’s like sitting in a warm sunbeam on a cold morning. Supporting artists like myself means so much as we show up daily to continue our work. If you are a new subscriber, welcome! If you have been a free subscriber for a while, perhaps you'll consider upgrading to being a paid one this month. Thanks for reading Brown Butter! 

The Costco gas station in our town has several rows of gas dispensers. Last week one afternoon I was filling up the car at the last pump in my row of three. A woman approached me, “Hi, my Costco card doesn’t seem to be working for some reason. Can I ask to use yours to be able to get gas? I’m just up at the front.” I had a flash of a moment where I could hear my inner voice say, “These are the moments where you get to decide what sort of world you want to live in, Gloria.” I handed her my card and off she skipped to her waiting pump. She swiped my card and then her debit payment, put the nozzle into the slot and made her way back to me. She was so appreciative and I remember telling her, “I’m glad you asked!” Because I was.

Today I was back at that same station, back to the same row just on the other side. I opened my wallet, turned my purse upside down, but my Costco card was nowhere to be found.

In the spot where I, myself, had been filling up last week, was a family. The kids were unbuckled and the wife was on her knees facing backwards talking to her husband while the passenger side door was open.

‘Excuse me,” I interrupted and smiled at the wife. “I can’t seem to find my Costco card and I’m wondering if I might be able to borrow yours and have you swipe so I can get gas. I’m a mom of two kiddos as well and I think the last time I was here I must have left it in my raincoat pocket and forgot to put it back in my wallet. I didn’t realize…” The man hunched over and without even looking at me, crossed his arms and shook his head and said, “Nope, nope, nope.” I looked at the wife and I’m pretty sure my mouth gaped.

“Wow. How incredibly unkind. Wow. And you have kids watching you!!” In that moment I had no filter as I was just so astonished at the absolute unnecessary meanness.

My gas light had gone on ten miles prior as I drove back from a trip so getting gas tomorrow wasn’t an option. As I drove away the unkindness hit me hard. I cried big tears making my way out of the parking lot. I cried the whole way home. The whole exchange made me angry but more than that, it made me really really sad.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about the tiny choices I make in the world. In my choosing, I decide what sort of world I want to live in. It’s an ongoing conversation with my husband, with my 10 year old, and with friends about the small ways in which I cast my vote for the sort of community I want to foster.

It wouldn’t have cost this man anything to extend some grace and help me. I wasn’t asking for money or to even be the one swiping the card. Truthfully, I think it hit me so hard because he didn’t even bother to look at me. I had been in that literal spot just a week ago, I just made a very different choice.

In my circle, we are not perfect people, but we do recognize that our walk on this earth is made easier when we take care of each other when we are able to. I hope I am never so small that when someone asks for help and it doesn’t cost me anything, I choose not to even look at them.

The answer will not always be yes. I’m aware of that. But I know that at the very least, I can acknowledge the human in front of me.